“Your Grandmother Would Be So Proud Of You”

Reflections

“Your Grandmother would be so proud of you.” In my adult life I don’t remember many times that I visited my Aunt Shirley when she hasn’t spoken these words to me. As our visit would end she would always tell me how much she loved me and how proud she was of me, followed by how proud my grandmother, her mother, would be of me. It wasn’t just me, she conveyed this message to each of my sisters as well.

It’s been 46 years since my grandmother passed away. Although I was quite young I have some fond, but limited, memories of her. In a recent conversation with Aunt Shirley she added the words “I really miss her,” referring to her mother. I immediately knew the pain she was feeling.

It was about seven and a half years ago when my mother passed away. There was never any doubt how much my mother loved her family. Most of my adult life we spoke either on the phone or in person, nearly every day. This changed some when Mom became ill, but even then our conversations always revolved around things my kids were doing. Mom loved to hear about every little and big achievement. She spent much time with them when they were young and she had many of her own grandkid stories to tell. There was nothing Mom loved more than her Grandkids.

There have been so many times over the last seven years that I have longed to call my mom and share with her the all of the thing my girls are doing. There have been weddings and graduations and new jobs and promotions and babies – my grand babies – her great grand babies. Oh I just know how thrilled “how proud” she would be. Though I haven’t spoke the words to them I often hear Aunt Shirley’s words echoed in my mind. I now realize that they have a several meanings. At face value, her words, “your Grandmother would be so proud,” have served to keep the memory of my grandmother alive and convey  messages of approval about things I am doing with my life. I am now aware that each time she says these words she is missing her Mom and I can sympathize with that.

In all honesty the reason that I have never spoken these words is because of the sadness that I feel when I am missing my mom. I don’t want to share this sadness with my children and make them sad as well. As  I write this I realize that this sadness is a good thing. It means that there was value in that relationship and it is something that could not be replaced. I realize that for the rest of my life I will have these sad moments when I miss my mom, so I will allow myself to be sad while remembering what a blessing it was to have her in my life, to have known her and to have loved her.

To my daughters and my nieces and nephews: I don’t know if I will ever speak the words to you but I do know that your Grandmother would be proud of you.

Thank you for reading. 🙂

 

 

44 thoughts on ““Your Grandmother Would Be So Proud Of You””

    1. Hi Rachel. Honestly I don’t think I have ever said them out loud. I tend to keep the feelings to myself because I don’t want to bring others down. Thank you for sharing your experience. I might have to try that.

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  11. Wow, Ruth… so touching. I was extremely close to my grandmother and miss her everyday and as I watch my mother start to decline your words bring tears to my eyes as I feel like lately I’m always processing the fact that one of these days my parents won’t be here. Ugh, I don’t know how I’ll manage.

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    1. Thanks Lana. It won’t be easy, but you will manage. You will go through the whole grieving process – denial, sadness or depression, anger and eventually acceptance. They say this is the natural process and it is best to allow yourself to go through all of the emotions rather than fighting them. When I found myself being angry at my mom I tried to fight it because it just didn’t make sense to me. Sometimes that anger still creeps in so maybe I haven’t completely worked through that stage. In acceptance you will find ways to cope – things and people to keeping you going – keep you living your life. But you will always have those moments of sadness – of missing her.

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      1. Thank you Ruth. It sounds terrifying and so but I guess it’s unavoidable. I’m grateful to at least have Ryan with me and hopefully it’s not for a long time yet. I do remember being angry with my grandma for a bit. I was very close with my grandma, I was the first grandchild for many years and her and I were very close all my life.

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      2. Yes, hopefully it is not for along time and even though you know it will eventually happen I don’t know if you can prepare yourself ahead of time to make it easier. I think it’s best just to enjoy all the time you have with her. ♥

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  13. I’m crying, too, and want to hug you (all of you!)! I can feel your love and understand it. My grandmother (named Ruth!) passed away 26 years ago, and I still talk to her every day. I am lucky to have my Mom, still, but know it won’t be forever. As I approach my 50th birthday, there is nothing I treasure more than hearing her say how PROUD she is of me. Thanks, Ruth.

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      2. Thank you Vicki for the reblog. It is important to appreciate that time we have with our loved ones. As I mentioned to Joan – no matter how much time we have – once they are gone we will be left wanting more.

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  14. And now I’m crying 😭 I tell my kiddos all the time about their great grandparents. It’s bitter so to share the memories and talk about how things would be if they we’re here ❤️.

    Well written Aunt Ruthy!

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    1. Thank you Ashley. I am not sure if your word was supposed to be bitter or better. Either could work and both could be true. Maybe even bitter sweet. 🙂 I am so glad you share you memories with you children because it is a big part of who your are and in turn who they are. ♥

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  16. That was beautiful Ruth – my eyes were misting up as I read it because I also was very close to my mom, and to my grandmother too. January is sad for me – my grandmother passed away on January 29, 1986, and my mom on January 31, 2010. It does not get any easier as time rolls on. I do miss our conversations and would love to play”catch up” as well.

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    1. Thank you Linda. It wasn’t until I heard my Aunt say how much she missed her mom that I realized that it doesn’t get easier. There will always be those days (holidays, birthdays anniversaries, and events) that will be sad because we miss them. Writing this was very therapeutic though. Sending you a big hug, my friend,

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      1. Yes you are right Ruth. My mom’s birthday was two weeks to the date after she passed away (her birthday was Valentine’s Day), a day when there are ads galore before the day, so just a cruel reminder of my loss. It is good sometimes to write of our loss of loved ones, and it helps to keep them alive for more than just your own memory. Hugs back to you my friend.

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  17. That was a lovely poignant piece…..I know I am most fortunate to still have my mother at 92 and doubly blessed as she is well in mind and body. Almost all of my friends have lost their mothers and say they wish they could just talk to her one more time. Thank you for sharing and making us remember the importance of memories. PS. I remember my grandmother too, she has been gone 25 years, and I appreciate her more the older I get.

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    1. Thank you. What a blessing indeed to have so much time with your mother. I think no matter how much time we do have it will never be enough. I know if I could talk with her one more time I would still want one more and one more after that.

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